Day 2: Somewhat Successful

It's not even 10am and all I want to do is eat that leftover pizza in the fridge. But I know if I do, I will eat poorly all day. I'm feeling sad today. Just a lot of thoughts swirling around, overwhelming me. I hate the snow, I hate our crappy heater. I hate that none of my clothes fit. I can't even remember the last time I wore pants that didn't have an elastic waistband. I'm tired, I'm cold, I'm irritable. I thought I would watch something on Netflix to take my mind off eating, but that doesn't even sound enjoyable to me. I think I'll just have a my scheduled snack and take a nap.
----------------
So, it's almost 4pm now, and I think I found a way to stick to my meal plan: lay in bed playing games on my phone until it's time to eat again. Okay, I know it's not a great, long-term solution, but I don't think I'm able to change everything at once. I can't just suddenly change my diet AND start an exercise regime AND be unbelievably productive around the house all day. So maybe I get used to this meal plan before I try to change too much more. I don't know. I'm not in quite as bad a mood as this morning, but I still feel like I can't do everything I want to do. It's frustrating, but I guess I just keep trying instead of giving up.
-----------------
8pm update: I'm still quite irritable (and trying so very hard not to snap at anyone). Today's accomplishments include shoveling snow off the steps, walkway, and driveway (for about 30 minutes), making chicken rotini pesto, and not eating like a fat cow. And that's pretty much all I did today. The kids acted cute all day, so that was nice. But now they're in bed, and I'm grumpy and I have a headache. So I'm just going to go lay in bed and do logic puzzles so I don't say anything mean to anybody.

Day 1: Epic Failure

So one of my main goals this year is to get healthy (again). I met with a dietician and got a meal plan outline. I put in all the work to plan all my meals and snacks for this week. I was following it to a T until about 3pm. I was tired and hungry, and I gave into the carb cravings. I'm supposed to be having 1500-1600 calories per day. This evening I went ahead and calculated everything I had eaten today. It came to 3000... No. Wonder. I'm. Fat. I feel so disappointed in myself. Am I really so weak a person that I can't even invest in my own health? I feel so discouraged. I'm disgusted by my own body, and it is taking all the strength I have to not fall back on my eating disorder and purge. I haven't purged at all in the last 12 months. But I've also gained 50 pounds. It's really hard for me to believe that being morbidly obese is healthier than what I was doing (because it was working to keep me under 200 pounds). Maybe tomorrow will be better.