Monday, January 2, 2017

Day 1: Epic Failure

So one of my main goals this year is to get healthy (again). I met with a dietician and got a meal plan outline. I put in all the work to plan all my meals and snacks for this week. I was following it to a T until about 3pm. I was tired and hungry, and I gave into the carb cravings. I'm supposed to be having 1500-1600 calories per day. This evening I went ahead and calculated everything I had eaten today. It came to 3000... No. Wonder. I'm. Fat. I feel so disappointed in myself. Am I really so weak a person that I can't even invest in my own health? I feel so discouraged. I'm disgusted by my own body, and it is taking all the strength I have to not fall back on my eating disorder and purge. I haven't purged at all in the last 12 months. But I've also gained 50 pounds. It's really hard for me to believe that being morbidly obese is healthier than what I was doing (because it was working to keep me under 200 pounds). Maybe tomorrow will be better.

1 comment:

  1. that is really cool that you want to get healthy agin so are you healty now

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